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Aging into Freedom

I watched an Oprah episode where famous women spoke about aging. These beautiful, funny women all spoke about feeling liberated at 50, 60, 70.

I feel liberated at 40! In conversation with a colleague, I forgot how old I was. I knew when I was born and from this she calculated that I was 41. I don’t have early on-set of Alzheimer’s so don’t worry about me. Not remembering my age gave me a feeling of liberation because for years, I obsessed about getting older. When I was 12, I could not wait to be 20. But when I turned 23, I could not turn back the clock and time just flew by. When I woke up, I was 41!

Turning 40 was earth moving; I feel comfortable in my own skin—well, most of the time when it is not itchy. My “I don’t care what others think about me” attitude is a breath of fresh air. I went to Whistler this past month and I was among friends with whom I have worked closely for an awesome kick-ass conference. I had so many people come to me and tell me that I was the “most coolest women” and so many stated sincerely that they loved me. It was because I was being myself. I did not act in a certain way to get attention. I got the attention because I was being who I am. That is the greatest gift I could give myself.

The road travelled up to this point has not been easy; I did not know who I was for most of my childhood, teen and adult years. When I immigrated to Canada in the 70’s, there was no welcome mat for me. Instead the path I was made to walk took me to places where I was made to feel inferior, to act a certain way, to act white. Yet, the mirror that I stared into reflected a brown face with brown eyes and black hair. The only things white were my teeth. No matter how hard I tried to fit in, I was never accepted. This path forced me to shed my culture, my language, my identity, my food and live a lie for 30 years. It was not until I brought my daughter into this world that I realized I was the biggest fool for allowing myself to behave in ways that were contrary to what my true essence was. My daughter is a constant reminder how truly beautiful brown skin is, not to mention her unique blend of Muslim and Punjabi.

Now at 40 when I look into the mirror I see a strong woman who came to terms with herself and embraced her inner spirit. The face I show to the world is my true essence. With age comes wisdom. With wisdom comes acceptance. With acceptance comes freedom.