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And you thought math was irrelevant...by: Gwen Pawlikowski
Girls have traditionally been discouraged from doing well at math. However, Cindy Lu’s new book, The Four-Man Plan, may demonstrate the reason why. When we use math to our advantage, we level the gender playing field, big time, in this case, when it comes to dating. Lu’s strategic dating plan has none of the complication of an algebraic equation. Instead, she starts with a simple idea: date four men continually. Compare them to each other. Graph and analyze their results. Eventually, sort out the weaker, less promising specimens and keep those that are honest, willing and loving. Say yes to all invitations, make sure the men know about each other and are therefore aware that they are competing. Sex is permissible but Lu’s rules include serial monogamy. In other words, if you start sleeping with one, then any other sex partner must be punted from the matrix, never to return. A new man can then enter the graph. A large part of the math Lu advocates happens in the graphing. The California writer-actress encourages Four-Man Planners to record their weekly results using a Mantris Graph. She gives several examples in the book, so you’ll know exactly how to do it. As the men rise and fall in plan status, they occupy more or less space. Eventually, one may edge the others out. When this happens, the plan ends. Mission accomplished, until such time as a new relationship is desired. Dating should be an area where women are highly empowered, but sadly, it’s not. That’s one reason why women can benefit from The Four-Man Plan. Competition encourages men’s best qualities, according to Lu, a California actress and writer. “When men compete for a woman, it brings out the best in them: their innate chivalry, their good sportsmanship, their hibernating romantic” (p.55). Of the many ways that The Four-Man Plan helps to level the dating playing field, one is by disregarding the myth that there is only one soul mate. Lu suggests a better way to view the male public. “(T)here are lots and lots of people who can delight my soul. So to put the odds in my favour,I must get out there and meet as many of them as possible (p.43).” Getting to know more men increases the chance of finding compatibility along with good qualities. Furthermore, losers become more apparent when compared with winners. The likelihood of sticking with a loser declines, according to Lu. And, this, we know, is one of the many problems women have when dating. The Four-Man Plan levels the dating playing field for those reasons, but there is more. In addition to stimulating men’s competitiveness and increasing the odds of meeting quality dudes, Lu’s plan gives guidance to those of us who “suck at love.” OK, you may be saying. Guilty. Me, too. Dating meant years of misery for me, as it does for many women. We keep confronting the same daddy issues, which Lu illustrates beautifully with the story of her own father. If daddy’s not to blame then there’s some other miserable experience in our past, or even our own self-limiting stereotypes. (No dating accountants, for instance.) For whatever reason we lack the required skills for relationship maintenance/love, Lu asks us to admit it. The Four-Man Plan gives advice for gaining skills. One of Lu’s main rules: “keep your damn knees together, sister!” Like the advice your mother told you, The Four-Man Plan urges you to wait a little before sex, although she allows outlets in the form of a 21/4 man. But, as earlier mentioned, only one in the matrix at any one time. Part of skill development involves gaining a stronger sense of self worth. One of the most important ways that Lu’s plan helps to level the playing field is by factoring in a requirement for women to develop more self-respect and to demand more respect from the men with whom they associate. Throughout her mathematical dating guidebook, Lu writes with a killer sense of humour along with the sensitivity of one who’s been there and erred. She also writes supportively of relationships with other women urging them to be “chick’s chick’s” and not “dick’s chicks,” the women who prey on men already in relationships. Lu covers all the bases: Internet dating? Yes. Ex-boyfriends coming around again? Yes, but they must follow the Plan guidelines. Invitation with someone you’re not attracted to? Go! And go again. Lu has a two-date minimum. Give all guys a chance and don’t rule out any man just because you don’t feel chemistry right away. Talking about “a relationship?” Avoid it. At the end, Lu guides women to select a partner who is honest, loving and willing. Hey, if my math teachers could have linked math to real life in a remotely similar way, I’d have paid way more attention in Geo-Trig class. As solid and logical as the Plan is, Lu’s descriptions are light and easy to read. You’ll whip through this book and wish there was more. Her illustrations are particularly helpful in demonstrating how the plan works and keeping it from becoming overly complex. Lu’s Four-Man Plan is fun. That may be the most important thing about it. She reminds us that dating should not be the horrendous experience it often is; it should be a chance to meet lots of people and enjoy ourselves. When the playing field is more level, we can focus a lot more on the thrill of the game and less on the penalties of the players.
LR: Does The Four Man Plan work well in all cultures? You mentioned that women have used it around the world. CL: I don't know about ALL cultures, but certainly LOTS of cultures. We've already signed contracts with Australia and Germany and have agreed on deals with publishers from Japan, Brazil and Italy, too. All before the American version even came out! I think it can work anywhere that there are plenty of men to choose from, look out China! LR: The Four Man Plan seems to have a lot in common with The Rules from a decade ago. What are some of the most important differences between your plan and The Rules? CL: I have to admit, I never read The Rules. I remember watching those gals on Oprah, but I got turned off by it because it felt like game playing and I didn't want to do that. I may be misinterpreting their material, since I never read the book, but it seemed to work the "playing hard to get" angle. But, I think if a gal wants to approach a guy, or call a man the day after a date to say thank you, those feelings should be honored. The key to The Four Man Plan is not to PLAY hard to get but to BE hard to get. The Plan can be shaped by each individual girls personality, style, age or religion. Everyone from sexually liberated 30-somethings, to 20-something virgins, to twice-married sexagenarians doing the Plan, at their speed and their comfort level. LR: I really liked how you advised women to be “chick’s chicks” and not “dick’s chicks.” What kind of feedback have you received from feminists? CL: Gosh, I don't know I can spot a feminist! But the feedback I've received about this Principle is that either women love it or are a little ashamed when they read it because they know they've been a Dick's Chick in the past. I, myself, am a reformed Dick's Chick. I used to think I liked married or attached men because they were a special challenge, and I didn't have to worry about things getting too serious. Forbidden sex is very hot, so that was part of it, too. Sometimes I would get confused in my head and think, "This is a man that knows how to commit!" But was he really? If he was out trolling for girls? Anyway, it took me being cheated on to really understand the Chick's Chick Angle. If you've been a Dick's Chick, I say, correct forward, you'll feel better about yourself. LR: I similarly liked your advice to women to stop “accepting the notion that sluttiness is cool” (pg. 11). Where do you think sexual freedom ends and sluttiness begins? CL: I think sluttiness begins when you are only behaving a certain way to get a guy's attention or to compete with other women. If you have sex out of YOUR DESIRES, and you dress and behave in way that comes authentically from you, then that's freedom. If you are externally motivated, trying to look hotter than the next girl or try to keep a man or make him like you because of how fast and how far you'll go with him, then that's being hoochie. What some girls don't know (yet) is that giving it up right away is not something that guys find terribly attractive in the long run. LR: Do you have a follow-up book in the works? CL: Yes, a follow up book is definitely in the works. I know there are so many dating and relationship books out there. But what I thought was missing from the shelves when I needed help was some concrete answers of WHAT TO DO, step-by-step, if I was willing to admit that I needed help. If a girl agrees to Postulate #5 - You Suck at Love and she uses The Four Man Plan to help her unsuck enough to find a man that's HONEST, LOVING and WILLING, she will most likely need help to get her through this new kind of relationship. The kind where you know how your man feels about you, the kind where you get to look at your own issues instead of focusing on what you need to fix about HIM, the kind where the only drama is what you create in your own head. I'm writing for girls that come from a love deficit, like I did. So yes, there is a follow up to come! |
